[Gangsta's Paradise/Coolio] As I walk through the valley where I harvest my grain I take a look at my wife and realize she's very plain But that's just perfect for an Amish like me You know, I shun fancy things like electricity At 4:30 in the morning I'm milkin' cows Jebediah feeds the chickens and Jacob plows... fool And I've been milkin' and plowin' so long that Even Ezekiel things that my mind is gone I'm a man of the land, I'm into discipline Got a Bible in my hand and a beard on my chin But if I finish all of my chores and you finish thine Then tonight we're gonna party like it's 1699 We've been spending most our lives Living in an Amish paradise I churn butter once or twice Living in an Amish paradise It's hard work and sacrifice Living in an Amish paradise We sell quilts at discount price Living in an Amish paradise A local boy kicked me in the butt last week I just smiled at him and I turned the other cheek I really don't care, in fact I wish him well 'Cause I'll be laughing my head off when he's burning in hell But I ain't never punched a tourist even if he deserved it An Amish with a 'tude? You know that's unheard of I never wear buttons, but I got a cool hat And my homeys agree I really look good in black... fool If you come to visit, you'll be bored to tears We haven't even paid the phone bill in 300 years But we ain't really quaint so please don't point and stare We're just technologically impaired There's no phone, no lights, no motorcar Not a single luxury Like Robinson Caruso It's as primitive as can be We've been spending most our lives Living in an Amish paradise We're just plain and simple guys Living in an Amish paradise There's no time for sin and vice Living in an Amish paradise We don't fight, we all play nice Living in an Amish Paradise Hitchin' up the buggy, churnin' lots of butter Raise a barn on Monday, soon I'll raise anutter Think you're really righteous? Think you're pure in heart? Well, I know I'm a million times as humble as thou art I'm the pious guy the little Amlettes wanna be like On my knees day and night scorin' points for the afterlife So don't be vain and don't be whiny Or else, my brother, I might have to get medieval on your heinie We've been spending most our lives Living in an Amish paradise We're all crazy Mennonites Living in an Amish paradise There's no cops or traffic lights Living in an Amish paradise But you'd probably think it bites Living in an Amish paradise Ah oh oh oh, oh oh oh. Ah oh oh oh, oh oh YECCH!
Everything You Know Is Wrong
I was driving on the freeway in the fast lane
with a rabid wolverine in my underwear
when suddenly a guy behind me in the back seat
popped right up and cupped his hands across my eyes
I guessed, "Is it Uncle Frank or Cousin Louie?
Is it Bob or Joe or Walter?
Could it be Bill or Jim or Ed or Bernie or Steve?"
I probably would have kept on guessing but about that time we crashed into the truck
And as I'm laying bleeding there on the asphalt
finally I recognize the face of my hibachi dealer
who takes off his prosthetic lips and tells me
Everything you know is wrong
Black is white, up is down and short is long
And everything you thought was just so important doesn't matter
Everything you know is wrong
Just forget the words and sing along
All you need to understand is
Everything you know is wrong
I was walkin' to the kitchen for some Golden Grahams
when I accidentally stepped into an alternate dimension
and soon I was abducted by some aliens from space
who kinda looked like Jamie Farr
They sucked out my internal organs
and they took some polaroids and said I was a darn good sport
and as a way of saying thank you
they offered to transport me back to any point in history that I would care to go
And so I had them send me back to last Thursday night
so I could pay my phone bill on time
Just then the floating disembodied head of Colonel Sanders started yelling
Everything you know is wrong
Black is white, up is down and short is long
And everything you thought was just so important doesn't matter
Everything you know is wrong
Just forget the words and sing along
All you need to understand is
Everything you know is wrong
I was just about to mail a letter to my evil twin
when I got a nasty papercut
and, well, to make a long story short
it got infected and I died
so now I'm up in heaven with
St. Peter by the pearly gates
and it's obvious he doesn't like the Nehru jacket that I'm wearing
He tells me that they've got a dress code
Well, he lets me into heaven anyway
but I get the room next to the noisy ice machine
for all eternity
and every day he runs by screaming
Everything you know is wrong
Black is white, up is down and short is long
And everything you used to think was so important
Doesn't really matter anymore because the simple fact remains that
Everything you know is wrong
Just forget the words and sing along
All you need to understand is
Everything you know is wrong
Everything you know is wrong
Cavity Search
[Hold Me, Thrill Me, Kiss Me, Kill Me/U2]
Listenin' to the Muzak
Hearin' people scream
Sittin' in the waiting room
Readin' crappy magazines
With a toothache
This is it, pal
Root canal
My molars are impacted
I'm gettin' gum disease
I'm gonna need some fillings
Got twelve cavities
Can you help me
Have mercy
Doctor, please
My teeth are a fright
Got a huge overbite
Numb me, drill me
Floss me, bill me
You jab at my nerve endings
It's driving me insane
just give me nitrous oxide
Shoot me up with novocaine
Help me out here
'Cause I'm in severe
Pain
Please stop for a bit
Now let me rinse and spit
Numb me, drill me
Floss me, bill me
You validate my parking
I think that I'm okay
But you make one more appointment for
A week from Saturday
'Cause you came upon
A little problem on
My x-ray
Oy vey!
It's getting absurd
Well, I hope I'm insured, now
Numb me, drill me
Floss me, bill me
Callin' In Sick
Hit my snooze alarm for the 27th time
Just don't feel like goin' to work --- I think I'll call my boss, then I'm
Gonna hack and cough and wheeze
Swear I got some strange disease
What's that little twerp gonna say?
Hey
I'm callin' in sick today
Callin' in sick today
I could shine my pennies or clean my lava lamp
I could spend all day in my underwear watching "Ernest Goes To Camp"
I could sit and count my hair
I could burp my Tupperware
I'm not busy now anyway
Hey
I'm callin' in sick today
Callin' in sick today
Ain't goin' to work, no way
Callin' in sick today
I can do anything I want to
I am invincible now
I'm on fire, baby
I'm alive, I'm alive, can you hear me, world?
I'm alive!
Maybe I'll spend all day staring at the sun and trying not to squint
Maybe I'll make a huge color tapestry from my belly button lint
When I'm sick of takin' abuse
I just make up some lame excuse
Freedom's just seven digits away
Hey
I'm callin' in sick today
Callin' in sick today
Ain't goin' to work, no way
Callin' in sick today
The Alternative Polka
[Loser/Beck]
Soy un perdidor
I'm a loser, baby
So why don't you kill me? (Everybody!)
Soy un perdidor
I'm a loser, baby
So why don't you kill me?
Hey!
[Sex Type Thing/Stone Temple Pilots]
I am I am I am
I said I wanna get next to you
I said I'm gonna get close to you
You wouldn't want me have to hurt you, too
Hurt you, too
I know you want what's on my mind
I know you like what's on my mind
I know it eats you up inside
I know you know, you know, you know
Here I come I come I come I come
Here I come I come I come
[All I Want To Do/Sheryl Crow]
All I wanna do is have some fun
I gotta feeling I'm not the only one
All I wanna do is have some fun
I gotta feeling I'm not the only one
All I wanna do is have some fun
Until the sun comes up over Santa Monica Boulevard
[Closer/NIN]
Help me: I broke apart my insides
Help me: I've got no soul to sell
Help me: the only thing that works for me
Help me get away from myself
I wanna (doink) you like an animal
I wanna feel you from the inside
I wanna (clang) you like an animal
My whole existence is flawed
You get me closer to God
Hey! Hey! Hey!
[Bang and Blame/REM]
You bang bang bang bang bang
Blame blame blame
You bang bang bang bang bang
It's not my thing so let it go
[You Oughta Know/Alanis Morisette]
'Cos the love that you gave every day wasn't able
To make it enough for you to be open wide
No!
And every time you speak her name does she know how you told me
You'd hold me until you died? Til you died. Well you're still alive!
And I'm here to remind you of the mess you left when you went away
It's not fair to deny me of the cross I bear that you gave to me
You-ou-ou-ou-ou oughta know!
Hey!
[Bullet with Butterfly Wings/Smashing Pumpkins]
Despite all my rage
I am still just a rat in a cage
Despite all my rage
I am still just a rat in a cage
And someone will say
What is lost can never be saved
Despite all my rage
I am still just a rat in a cage
[My Friends/Red Hot Chili Peppers]
I love all of you
Hurt by the cold
So hard and lonely, too
When you don't know yourself
[I'll Stick Around/Foo Fighters]
I don't owe you anything!
I don't owe you anything!
I don't owe you anything!
I don't owe you anything!
[Black Hole Sun/Soundgarden]
Black Hole Sun
Won't you come
And wash away the rain?
Black Hole Sun
Won't you come, won't you come
Black Hole Sun, Black Hole Sun
Won't you come
Black Hole Sun, Black Hole Sun
Won't you come
Black Hole Sun, Black Hole Sun
[Basket Case/Green Day]
Do you have the time
To listen to me whine
About nothing and everything all at once?
I am one those melodramatic fools
Neurotic to the bone
No doubt about it
Sometimes I give myself the creeps
Sometimes my mind plays tricks on me
It all keeps adding up
I think I'm cracking up
And am I just paranoid?
Or am I just stoned?
Or am I just stoned?
Hey!
Since You've Been Gone
Since you've been gone
Well I feel like I've been chewing on tinfoil
Since you've been gone
It's like I got a great big mouthful of cod liver oil
Well, I'm feeling like I stuck my hand
Inside a blender and turned it on
You know I've been in a buttload of pain
Since you've been gone
(Since you've been gone)
I couldn't feel any worse if you dropped
A two-ton bowling ball on my toes
(Since you've been gone)
It couldn't hurt any more if you shoved
A red hot cactus up my nose
Since you've been gone
Well, it feels like I'm getting tetanus shots every day
Since you've been gone
It's like I got an ice cream headache that won't go away
Ever since the day you left me
I've been so miserable, my dear
I feel almost as bad as I did
When you were still here
Gump
[Lump/The Presidents of the USA]
Gump sat alone on a bench in the park
"My name is Forrest," he'd casually remark
Waitin' for the bus with his hands in his pockets
He just kept sayin' life is like a box of chocolates
He's Gump, He's Gump
What's in his head?
He's Gump, He's Gump, He's Gump
Is he in-bred?
Gump was a big celebrity
He told JFK that he really had to pee
He never feels too dumb because
His mom always told him stupid is as stupid does
He's Gump, He's Gump
He's kinda square
He's Gump, He's Gump, He's Gump
What's with that hair?
Run... run... run, run, now Forrest
Run... run... run like the wind now
Run... run... run, run, now Forrest
Run... stop!
His buddy Bubba was a shrimp-lovin' man
His friend with no legs he calls Lieutenant Dan
His girlfriend Jenny was kind of a slut
Went to the White House, showed LBJ his butt
He's Gump, He's Gump
He's not too bright
He's Gump, He's Gump, He's Gump
But he's all right
Is this Gump out of his head? I think so
Is this Gump really brain-dead? I think so
Did this Gump make lots of bread? I think so
And that's all I have to say about that
I'm So Sick Of You
You tell a joke and forget the punchline
Why you always wastin' my time?
Hey baby, trust me, you just disgust me
Your hair's a mess and your make-up's crusty
I don't know too many females
Who make a habit of biting their toenails
Wo, every time you call, you drive me up the wall
Honey, just the sight of you makes my flesh crawl
I'm sure we'd be happy together
If only one little thing weren't true
Oh baby, I yi yi yi yi
I'm so sick of you
You drink the milk right from the carton
What are you, in kindergarten?
You're belchin' everywhere, foulin' up the air
Then you use my razor to shave your back hair
You don't have an ounce of class
You're just one big pain in the neck
How much more can I take now, give me a break now
You even snore when you're wide awake now
You tell all your friends we're the perfect couple
Well, maybe you should get a clue
'Cause baby, I yi yi yi yi
I'm so sick of you
Baby, you're so nauseatin'
I yi yi yi yi
I'm so sick of you
And when you softly call my name
It's like I'm listenin' to a squeaky chalk sound
And when you look at me that special way
It's hard for me to keep my lunch down
And when you ask me what I'm thinkin' honey, usually I'm thinkin'
how I'd really like to tie your head completely up in duct tape
so I wouldn't have to listen to you asking me those stupid questions
over and over again
Well, that disgusting noise you make when you laugh
Gives me a throbbing migraine
(Can't stand you, I just can't stand you)
Until you came along I never dated anyone
this low on the food chain
(Can't stand you, I just can't stand you)
You've got inhuman body odor
You've got the hair of a boxing promoter
Yeah, your teeth are all yellow, your butt's made of Jell-O
You wake up in a puddle, droolin' on your pillow
I hate the way you crack your knuckles
I hate your whiny loser girlfriends too
But mostly I yi yi yi yi
I'm so sick of you
Really now, you're aggravatin'
I yi yi yi yi
I'm so sick of you
Not to mention irritatin'
I yi yi yi yi
I'm so sick of you
Well, now won't you give my best regards to Satan
I yi yi yi yi
I'm so sick of you
I'm so sick of you
I'm so sick of you
I'm so sick of you
You make me sick
Syndicated Inc.
[Misery/Soul Asylum]
My whole family
Loves "Three's Company"
See the reruns constantly
There on my TV
Syndicated Incorporated
Well, I know what's on the tube
I know just what to see
Got my TV Guide with me
"MASH" and "All in The Family"
"The Munsters" and "Mayberry R.F.D."
I will always be busy
Watching my TV
Oprah Winfrey talks to me
Every day at three
Then soon it'll be
"Wheel" and "Jeopardy"
Syndicated Incorporated
Syndicated Incorporated
Well, I'm in such ecstasy
When I'm watchin' TV
I'm a boob tube
Devotee
Think I'm losin' my sanity
I'm addicted to Regis & Kathie Lee
Forever I will always be
Glued to my TV
Love "The Partridge Family"
And "Dynasty"
And "Laverne & Shirley"
And "Hard Copy"
Syndicated Incorporated
Syndicated Incorporated
Syndicated Incorporated ("MASH" and "All In The Family")
Syndicated Incorporated (Addicted to Regis & Kathie Lee)
Syndicated Incorporated (Forever I will always be)
Syndicated Incorporated (Watching my TV)
Syndicated Incorporated (Think I'm losing my sanity)
Syndicated Incorporated
I Remember Larry
Say, do you remember that guy Larry next door
Well, he always was the neighborhood clown
Like the time he pulled my pants off and he took those color pictures
And posted copies all over town
Or the time that he dumped toxic waste on my lawn
Or those wacky prank phone calls from midnight til dawn
What a crazy kid Larry was, always foolin' around
Boy, what a joker
What a funny, funny guy
I'll never forget about Larry
No matter how I try
Say, do you remember when I lost all my hair
'Cause Lar' gave me that Nair shampoo
And hey, how 'bout the day he put Ben Gay inside my jockstrap
And filled my toothpaste tube up with glue
All those wedgies he gave, all those shoestrings he tied
All those brownies he made with the Ex-lax inside
O Lar', I swear, it was a laugh a minute with you
Boy, what a joker
What a funny, funny guy
I'll never forget about Larry
No matter how I try
You know I couldn't help but laugh
Even though he treated me like slime
Remember when he cut my car in half?
Well, he really got me good that time!
Say, do you remember when I broke in Larry's house
Late at night and tied his mouth with a rag
Then I dragged him by his ankles to the middle of the forest
And stuffed him in a big plastic bag
If the cops ever find him, who knows what they'd say
But I'm sure if ol' Lar' were still with us today
He would have to agree with me it was a pretty good gag
Oh boy, what a joker
What a funny, funny guy
I'll never forget about Larry
No matter how I try
Oh boy, what a joker
What a funny, funny guy
I'll never forget about Larry
No matter how I try
No matter how I try
Oh, I remember Larry.